As I’m sitting here deciding what to write ‘about me’ – I’m wondering what you want to hear… Do you want to hear about my trauma and tears or would you prefer to hear about my triumph and celebrations? Through my own experience, it used to be near impossible to have one without the other!
These days, knowing what my life purpose is, is what keeps me on track and drives me forward. But I haven’t always been this happy, motivated and inspired. In fact there was a time in my life when I was very low and totally out of control. I saw nothing but darkness. I was desperate scared and overwhelmed with hopelessness. It wasn’t a very proud period in my life – I was 15 years old and I had already attempted to die.
~ The early years were scary ~
The events leading up to that decision are all too common, unfortunately. My dad died suddenly when I was only 6 years old. I was molested at age 11 and when I finally confessed what had happened I heard them say it was me who was a flirtatious young girl! Misunderstood and already disheartened about life, I looked for friendships in all the wrong places and at 14 found myself in the worst position of all. It was a lazy suburban Sunday afternoon when I entered their house and was sexually attacked by a group of 6 ‘friends’. When they finally opened the door and physically released me, I knew something inside me had shut down. I was numb, humiliated and filled with fear.
Having already felt those closest to me had abandoned me, I told myself that these tragic circumstances must somehow all be part of life and growing up. Putting on a brave face for school, I was looking forward to the comfort of seeing my girlfriends but, to my horror and disbelief, the instigator from the day before was showing the photographs they’d taken of the incident. I was silenced in pure dread; panic pumped through my veins as my blood boiled to rage. I was furious, angry and unpredictable, so I slammed the door and ran. It was the only thing I could think of doing bar punching everyone who was laughing at my terror in the face. I plummeted into despair and powerlessness, becoming the queen of isolation.
~ If only… ~
Already having a tumultuous relationship with my mum, this made it all the more colossal because I felt I couldn’t trust her: she’d only blame me, and say that it was my fault and I couldn’t bare having that confirmed outside my own head. I kept saying – if only I hadn’t walked through that door, if only I had of read the signs, not been so desperate, not been so innocent and naïve, if only I had of been smarter, if only I wasn’t so stupid, if only my dad was alive. Perhaps you can hear me screaming…
So this is how I lived for the next 15 years – I fought with myself and anyone I perceived to be in authority who hid behind rules to keep themselves safe. I pushed the boundaries of my own existence, I lived larger than life and, when the tipping point came, which it inevitably did, I would withdraw for a time – empty and alone.
~ Julie-Anne’s fire and passion was lit ~
Some would say I was the ideal elixir, had the perfect personality for what became my new identity – a TV and Events Producer. Having been a child model between the ages of 8-12, an assistant to a casting director in my school holidays and managing a modeling agency by 19 – I was already seduced by the entertainment industry. Landing my first TV role as an assistant in 1993 it was my golden ticket and opportunity to become someone of interest. Do you know what it’s like to finally belong – that was what it was like! With a meteoric rise to producer status – I attribute that success to my passion, courageous spirit and can do attitude.
I loved everything about what I did – the pace, the energy, the people and the creativity. It was so refreshing to produce something out of nothing – like anything was possible. When I was producing, nothing else mattered except for what I was focusing on. I didn’t have the time or headspace to remember my personal trauma and I felt so free. As my career continued to blossom I achieved tremendous success working on an array of spectacular shows, harnessing the talent of some of Australia’s favourite stars.
But even amongst all the success and grandeur I still felt something was unfulfilled, unanswered and unresolved, like there was more I could contribute. And I finally got to realize that not only was I hiding from my real purpose, I also needed to be at peace with my past and get to a place of forgiveness for myself and mentally release those involved in my most defining moments.
So when I came across Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in my early 30s it quite literally helped save my life but more specifically it helped me claim my life. I learnt how to harness my determined spirit and passion for all things spectacular and use it to recreate strategies of success in all aspects of my life. But most importantly, all the formal training I’ve now completed has given me the powerful tools to be at peace with my traumatic childhood, clean up the unresolved inner gunk, allowed me to discover my greatness, and finally say “yes “to living a brilliant and spectacular life, consistently.
~ Lifestyle changes take dedication, passion and patience ~
It was hard in the beginning, because I had a really tough time trusting myself and others – I didn’t want to be tricked and humiliated again. But something inside me nagged me to persist, primarily because this new way of thinking actually made me feel continually good. It enabled me to harness my own personal power, rather than giving it away. It taught me how and why I communicated the way I did. It taught me that I was in charge of how I felt and no matter what anyone else did or said, I was still in control of what I thought and how I acted. It also showed me how to be accountable for my actions and to stop blaming others for the way my life was. It taught me to step up and defy the odds and to do whatever it takes to actually become the person I used to only dream about. Best of all it made sense to me because it was logical, creative and experiential.
I am a steadfast believer in the tools and techniques I now teach, because they absolutely work. They helped me eradicate my bad habits and turn my once destructive and sabotaging thought patterns and behaviour into new processes that serve, support, nurture and challenge me to be my best. For the first time ever I feel unconditional love for myself and I finally feel safe in my own skin. I consciously and joyfully make decisions that I know conspire for my own success AND for the success of those around me. It is win, win, win.
~ Taking flight ~
I reckon I’m still a work in progress but from where I was to where I am today, I pinch myself with glee. I’m totally devoted to living a life that causes me to be an example instead of a warning. I now feel in charge of creating a future that empowers me to be seen. I’m inspired and ooze the spectacular with passion, fun, playfulness, and an abundance of love.
My life has been a rich tapestry of chaos and perfection and I suspect this may be how it continues well into the future. Through all the heartache and tears, tantrums and gifts poorly wrapped – I’ve also laughed so hard my cheeks hurt, run the race of my life, wept tears of joy, loved with my whole heart and given everything I’ve got. I have friends, peers, colleagues and family I adore and I am so grateful to finally be able to say I love me.
And what’s even cooler is that now I’ve learnt to spread my wings and fly, I’m embarking on projects which I thought would remain captive within my imagination instead of being birthed into reality. I’m collaborating with artists, star creatives and influential thought leaders that are also living their dreams, and this is exciting beyond measure.
It just keeps getting better. The more I have self-mastery, the easier adversity is to face when it comes knocking. I’m motivated by the spectacular and passionate about intuitively creating something out of nothing. Developing authentic connections that inspire and captivate the sparkle in our eyes, smiles and hearts.
Surfing, cooking, yoga, talking, sharing, entertaining, photography, making TV and films, and putting on inspirational events all make me ooze with excitement. I love smiling and laughing and my infectious enthusiasm for all things brilliant.
I am deeply devoted to assisting people untangle how they are where they are today, so they can become who they truly want tomorrow. Helping shape a compelling future and supporting you to bring it to life is an honour I cherish with my whole heart.